I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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