You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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