Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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