It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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