I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
