you guys were way drunker than both of me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
