So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
