i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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