Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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