woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
