I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
