I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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