We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
