Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
