pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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