Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
