I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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