This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
