I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
