the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
