a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize