wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
