a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
