After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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