96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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