why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
