I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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