every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
