come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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