i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
