I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
