apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
