a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
