you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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