she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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