WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize