i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
