he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
