Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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