i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your cock deserves a montage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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