My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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