Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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