I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
