My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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