He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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