I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
