Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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