party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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