I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Screwed.edu
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
