Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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