I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
