My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
