Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
