just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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