I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
