Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
