STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
