why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
