i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
