is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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