Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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