All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
