So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
