i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
