if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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