just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Found your dick twin last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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