Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
