I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
