YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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