PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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