i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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