I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
