My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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