I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
