Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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