I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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