non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would fuck him just for his dog
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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