Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Of course I have a pirate flag
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
